This Isn't a Happy Ending
by CHAILYN
Summary: Tag to Dark Side of the Moon. Sam contemplates his heaven.


**This Isn't a Happy Ending **

_Summary: Tag to Dark Side of the Moon. Sam contemplates his heaven._

_Note: Nope, still not with the owning of Supernatural but I'm working on it, god damnit. _

_And because Fee has her birthday right around the corner and I know she loves some Sam angsting this one's for her._

--

Sam didn't understand what it was that kept getting in the way of making things right with Dean. He kept trying, but no matter how hard he did, it all went sideways.

He took a strong swig of the whiskey he ordered from the bar, escaping from the motel as soon as he was sure Dean was asleep.

"Another." Sam waved the bartender over, gesturing to his glass.

Everything had changed between him and his brother again, and it wasn't for the better anymore. It just kept getting worse, maybe that was his punishment for Dean saving him, or for the apocalypse, or for everything he did with Ruby…maybe it was for all of them, any of them.

Dean was angry because his heaven wasn't about him, and Sam didn't understand that-none of it; not how to explain it, not why some of the best memories were without him, not why memories of him weren't there.

They were good memories, okay ones…but they weren't the very best. But maybe he didn't get the ones that meant the most to him because he didn't belong in heaven-Dean did though, so Dean got the memories that meant the most to him.

He would have picked Jess. If he was going to spend eternity reliving one minute for the rest of his life, it was looking into her eyes and listening to her tell him that he was going to be the man that she was going to marry, because he was the best person she knew.

"_Why would you marry me?" Sam asked her, "You don't know anything about me, Jess."_

"_I know the things that matter." Jess replied, kissing him on the cheek. "The other stuff doesn't matter. Like, you look amazing in a suit."_

_Sam laughed, "So that's your requirement. You'll marry me because I look good in a suit?"_

"_Well, if you looked frumpy in one, our wedding pictures wouldn't look as nice."_

"_I don't think anyone would be looking at me when I'm next to you."_

"_Sam," Jess took his hand and kissed him. "I'm trying to be serious. I love you, and I just don't want you to ever doubt it, or think I'm not in it for the long haul. You've everything I've ever wanted and I'm going to love you forever. You're the very best person I know."_

"_Jess." Sam took her in his arms and kissed the top of her head. "I am too. I love you. Forever and always."_

Maybe an eternity of listening to that and he'd be able to believe it again. He didn't want to think of what she'd think of him…how far he'd fallen. The ends didn't always justify the means, when had he started to believe that? When was the end that all that mattered. Doing the right thing used to be most important…and he'd lost that.

He'd give anything to get that back.

Dean teaching him how to drive…

Sam felt a twitch of a smile at the corners of his mouth. Things were simpler then. He remembered like it was yesterday, the third day on an empty street with his dad throwing his hands up and finally giving up, muttering about the menace he was to the roads.

"_Christ, Sammy, you're to the road what demons are to church." John said with a bewildered look._

"_I'll teach him dad." Dean offered. "Can't I?"_

_John had been so obviously sceptical, but he let them. "Take care of things Dean, I'm counting on you."_

_It wasn't perfect, and it wasn't easy, but Dean was patient._

"_You're being too uptight, Sammy. Driving is fun."_

_To prove his point, Dean popped an AC/DC cassette into the tape deck and grinned. "Tunes."_

_Sam just tried to ignore him and his singing and tried to focus on not running into a pole or over any animals or small children._

"_C'mon kid," Dean cocked his head, "Your song's playing."_

_Dean nudged him, and Sam glared at him. "You could have made me run into a tree."_

"_You won't."_

_AC/DC's 'If You Want Blood' blared out of the speakers, and Sam hoped that they wouldn't get pulled over for a noise violation._

"_C'mon!" Dean urged, wailing along with the music. "It's animal! Living in a human zoo…"_

_Sam cringed, "I just want to drive, Dean."_

"_And you are." Dean nodded his head encouragingly. "Now prove to be you belong behind that wheel."_

"_Blood on the rocks, blood on the streets, blood on the sky…" Sam warbled. embarrassed. He might be able to solve a calculus equation at the drop of a hat, but Dean could actually sing._

"_Good." Dean settled back in the passenger seat. "You're getting the hang of this Sammy."_

But what did it matter?

Sam fingered the medallion in his pocket that he'd been unable to leave lying in the garbage for anyone to find. It had meant everything to him when he gave it to Dean, that had been his way of telling Dean thanks for all he did, thanks for being there for him, and that he was there for him too.

Brothers forever.

And Dean pitched it into the trash.

--

_A/N: Just a quick note folks, I want to credit the idea of Sam plucking the necklace out of the trash can to SupernaturalSammy67-she was the one who thought of that, not me, and a great idea it is. I had my money on Cas lol._


End file.
